Love is no better than the lover- a note to a friend 10/31/04

I am sending you warm waves of peace and tranquility during this storm through the holy spirit, because the sprit recognizes the brokenhearted and heals them. You do not have to climb your mountain alone. Toni Morrison once wrote,"Love is no better than the lover."

The human desire to love leads us to extend ourselves and desire something greater often than our capcity. We're imperfect, so we love imperfectly because we are not God. I think the feeling of excitement and hearts pounding isn't really love. Love is what makes you get up at 3:00 in the morning and go to the store when you don't want to. Love is when someone is sick and you take care of them tenderly when they are well past life's bloom and you still think that they are beautiful. Love makes your work long hours because you know someone needs you.

I believe that love isn't a feeling, it is an action, and a choice.

Love is also a risk. Because we love imperfect people, they don't always love us well, we don't know how to love them well.

When I was seven I had a best friend who liked Rose Petal Place dolls. For Christimas I saved all the pennies and change I got to buy her Rose Petal. I wrapped it myself. I never felt so happy as to be giving my best friend this gift as a symbol of how much I loved her, and I hoped that she would like it. She came over a day or so before Christmas with a gift for me as well. When she opened my gift, the look of disappointment was obvious, even at seven.

Then she said," Here you can keep it. Let's play with what I bought you."

I think that was probably my first broken heart. I waited until after she left to cry. My mother told me to give my doll to my sister who would appreciate it. There have been many men in my life that when I have had the courage to risk myself and give myself to them have discarded my love

It hurts deeply, because we all want to be loved in return. I think the biggest lesson we learn in life, is we love people who can't love us in the way that we want or need. Sometimes they learn, sometimes they don't. The closest thing to God like love we know is really the parent child relationship-- there is no choice in the matter. God reaches all day to us saying that we love him, and we reach to other things to make us complete, and yet he still has made the choice to love us, in all our imperfection. I don't know what love between a man and a woman should be like, but I know with God all is possible. As you enter your journey, I will pray that God provides you with all you need to get there, and that he is your guide. Peace.