back (2006)

sometimes, it stays gone
then it
comes back
the uncured cold....

Woke up this morning
With you


Steeling
secret spaces
soft lights
Sweet
like sun tea

content with
mock
satisfaction

You came bearing
Gifts
time

memory
Opening
Me
wide

it all comes back--

Marmalade colored sunsets
Ago
When
You drank
Delightful
And delicious
The best
I had to offer
quenched your thirst
And left the cup
That showered the floor
With beauty and bitterness

I seek out
Memories of
Give and take are
Loose like change
For a long bumpy buds ride

This buys me time.
in this space
love is
spicy
sweet
tart

served not on silver
but
flawed
but sparkling
cracked glass work

lovers dine as
yellow winds
rage against
against a red storm
each refusing to give

I see the future by
Remembering the past
bluegirl
Shaking
Afraid
To deny
You

I hold
Hoping
That you
Will be the one
Who will fight
And not allow me
To walk away
but I hear no “wait”
and so
I breathe again

This
love
bigger than
need
lifted by
Faith
bruised by hope
cast
out of
eden


And so I allow my sweater to slip over my shoulder
And show skin

Then

I see
That pinwheel space
In the center
of your eye
against a dim sky


a soft peace touches my bare back
you look at me
the way
I want to
Look
at me

Then, it comes back again, like a cold.

I wake up alone.


I
lock doors
and chain fences
and unplug telephone lines
and tend wounds
slow in healing because
I
am hurting myself for
loving you

trusting

never wanting
you to come back

I am carrying suitcases
filled with shoes
you gave me
For safekeeping
When you trusted me with the
Precious little of you
You had
To give

Shoes,
And blue
Towels
For my wet
And chilled
Mind
pelted by storms in
summer
here everyday since you left

But today is different.

I am getting into a car
Lifting
Black bags
Through windows
To hit roads
I no longer need to travel

Today
I replenish
Myself
With water
driving
Until I see sun
and if it comes back
I will be different


ready.